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2026.02.09
there was a short period during my childhood where i couldn't stop myself from swallowing foreign inedible objects. nothing ever sharp, but generally small trinkets that piqued my interest. little beads, buttons, shiny marbles. each time i swallowed one of these i would spend the next day or two anxious, afraid, that it would shatter inside of me and leave my digestive tract riddled with thousands of microscopic cuts, killing me slowly and painfully. a couple of days later, after it'd been flushed out of my body, i would soon forget about the whole emotional turmoil and do it all over again. anyways i have no idea why i did any of that. the ocd urges have gotten better with age, though. i'm still terrified at the occasional intrusive thought but i wouldn't act on them anymore. i guess for me it felt like a sense of liberation washing through me when i swallowed the trinkets, at least for a short while, the little control i had over my own decisions living with my mother who wanted to dictate everything about my life. i don't know. this movie just didn't really hit anything.























